When the mind and soul cannot decide.

YLDP? Or TeenStreet?


At first, I was convinced that my church, being a member of the TRAC (Trinity Anual Conference) and YLDP (Youth Leaders Development Programme, if I'm not mistaken) being a TRAC-organized activity, would actually endorse and "promote" that camp this year. Instead they they endorsed TeenStreet. Not to say its less good than the other or anything of that sort. Its just that I'd like to meet up with some of the people I met at YouthQuake last year in YLDP.


Problem is, I'd have to go solo in getting myself there.


And not making things any easier to bear is the clashing dates.


YLDP: 05-09 Dec 07
TeenStreet : 08-13 Dec 07


If given a choice, heading for both is the best it could possibly be. The only physical drawback being a lighter wallet (for my parents) but its never the case of money anyway. But as seen above, the dates clash, YLDP isn't endorsed by my church, and most of my other-state friends are heading for YLDP.

Still. It isn't about me is it? Its bout knowing God and developing myself better for His purpose as I'm still extremely flawed, needing lots of refinement. *sigh*. If theres even any soul reading this I'd appreciate a prayer...


To my long-time-no-see acquaintances (you know who you are), should you ever have the time to read this, do accept my apologies. Although a certain bombastic vocabularian residing in Petaling Jaya wouldn't be too bothered with my absence since he/she has his/her darling to snuggle up to everyday and couldn't care less about me. Good for you then, good for you.

Cheers mates. Hopefully my mind doesn't become tormented to the extent of implosion.


Site for TeenStreet : http://www.teenstreet.om.org/
YLDP: N/A yet.

20.07.2007. Realized something?

Dates with the element of redundancy. 07/07/07 was one, and now 20.07.2007. etc.

These dates for some reason or another has some sort of significance to quite a number of people around the globe. (why I prefer "globe" over "world" is something only I will know)

07/07/07 was Live Earth day. To instill awareness amongst the people of the globe about saving our, globe. But its a long past story that still goes on and on till vile misconduct of nature is almost completely stamped out (if not totally).


Now, 20.07.2007.
The day I realized that in my (desperate) dedication to my duty, my fellow colleagues around me offer what can be known as counter-encouragement (trying to avoid dis- prefixes). When I'm pressurized in carrying out duties, instead of receiving assistance, I was only greeted with nonchalant stares from colleagues. Even more, I was told "jangan terlalu semangat la".

Its a daft contrast to what I've come to expect from fellow members of a (supposedly) upright organization. Perhaps its inevitable to have some who are less than enthusiastic, but about NOT offering support when I need it and instead putting me down even further makes me feel as though I'm a one-man-army pulling the strings in the battlefield, all the while getting fired at from all directions (and not to mention friendly fire) with no signs of stopping (for lack of a better analogy).

I'm not really known for talking (and writing) much. And lets just leave it as that. On a side note, I'll be indefinitely condemning myself to a "relationship-exile" due to a problem with my impulsive nature. It can last a day. Or it can last till I die. (I am feeling crude today)


Sigh. C'est la vie.



p.s. To those who don't really know which "organization" I mean, ask me personally. I might tell you. Or I might not.

Hilarity

This was what I found written on a notice outside the computer cabin in my school (smaller version of the comp. lab)


"Kabin komputer akan ditutup untuk 2 minggu kerana didapati bahawa pelajar menggunakan komputer untuk bermain game dan melayari Friendster, bukan untuk tujuan P&P"


Lol.
I just don't know how much I laughed silently after reading that.

Incorrigible

Lets face it, some things never change. Like I how I still blatantly depart this earth (no, I'm not dead. Yet. If that was what you're thinking. Sorry to disappoint some of you out there) to reside or perhaps, preside, in my fantastical realms within the limited boundaries of imagination found in the various games I play. Be it roaming in the realms of Oblivion, imagining myself as a famed, football manager grabbing quadruples with impunity or ruling a civilization from the age of stones and woods to lasers and, well, more lasers. As the day passes, I feel more and more lost to the touch of humanity, the reality of student life, and perhaps, the meaning to live?


The resolve and the determination to bounce back from mid year disappointments just fades away like the wind. Strong when it comes, gone after a moment. Some things just never change....never change....


Form 4 . It gets. On. Your. Neck.
Form 5. Mutilates. You. Entirely.
Form 6. Shreds. You. To. Meaty. Humanoid. Dust.

This IS upper secondary life. Summarized for viewing...pleasure.

Piss out.

Chicken scare again, the weathers humid. And I am getting humid as well. Apologies in advance if you ever catch me in a somewhat fowl foul mood.

Dark redemption, First and Final.

Additional Mathematics : 65%
History : 68%


Not good.
Not good enough.
Not good enough when roughly 80% of the (super) students in my class strikes 80% (for add maths) or 70% (history) and above. And even 90+ for Add Maths. With one fella getting 98%. I just can't understand them.
(Or rather, perhaps they just can't understand me and my (uber) crappi-ness when it comes to intricate maths, remembering facts, and possibly, my feeble scientific knowledge)

Even getting this:

EST : 86% (so-called "highest" in class)
and
Modern Mathematics: 89%


...doesn't change the fact that I'm still hundreds of acres, miles, kilometres, whatever, behind them. Lagging like a slow old cow chasing after a cheetah.


And, theres still Physics and Chemistry, among others, to chew upon. Will be getting my "death warrants" in due time.


And so its time to change. Even though past records of my attempts to do so are not in my favour, but I have no choice, but to do so.



My First and Final chance of redemption (for form 4, at least) comes in October (approximately). Crunch time.





The.Darker.Inner.Mind.Speaks.
Why am I talking about myself now?
Like I have anything else to blog about?
I didn't even have time for the newspapers during holidays.
Can't blame me for History, was sick the whole damn week before exams.
Can't blame me for Add Maths, I just don't like it in the first place.

Work all night, He does.

"All the night" the Lord was working,
Working in the tempest blast,
Working with the swelling current,
Flooding, flowing, free and fast.

"All the night" God's children waited-
Hearts, perhaps in agony-
With the enemy behind them,
And, in front, the cruel sea.

"All the night" seemed blacker darkness
Than they ever saw before,
Though the light of God's own presence
Near them was, and sheltered o'er.

"All the night" that weary vigil
Passed; the day at last did break,
And they saw that God was working
"All the night" a path to make

"All the night" O child of sorrow,
Can you not your heartbreak stay?
Know your God in darkest midnight
Works, as well as in the day.

The Chronicles of Life and Death : Day 9 & 10

I'm still in a gaming mood (not in blogging mood) and that means I'm just summarizing the hopeful event(s) which turned dour...
(not that theres any surprises here)

Day 9
Enlightening prospect: Add Maths 1, Bio 3

Add Maths 1: Turned out pretty...not-so-bad, (at least on Add Maths' standards) a few blips here and there (which is to be expected)

Bio 3: Nothing short of, hmm, appalling. Messed up procedures for Q 2 (was it?) but heck I didn't really care much in the end.


Day 10
(The day in which time came almost to a standstill)

Add maths 2: Sucks. Full stop.

Chem 3: Not so sucky, but still sucks.

See how I like to speed up time?

Day 9 remains permanently undecided while Day 10 is, well, you CAN assume, can you not? X)


Final Verdict
Life : 4
Death.... 5




I should've seen the impending, inevitable doom creeping up to me from the very beginning....